So this post definitely is more lighter than the last two posts! Well.. the topic itself isn’t light but for once, this shit did not happening to me (thank you universe) so I actually got a chance to sit back and watch this nonsense unfold from start to finish.
Alrighty then! I just want to start off by saying that I see France, particularly Paris, as my second home. I go there often and have a selection of friends who live there. My friends in Paris just all happen to be male – don’t ask me how that happened but it is what it is. I naturally get on better with guys than girls – I think it’s because of the lack of effort that goes into making friends with guys as opposed to making friends with girls. Once the guy finally gets it and understands that you are NOT going to have sex with him, he becomes pretty chilled out – that and the fact that I have mastered the fine art of friend-zoning :).
Anyway – back to the story. I was due to spend a week in Paris so I contacted one of my close friends to tell him that I would be coming. I, at the time, always stayed at his place whenever I visited Paris. He assured me that there wouldn’t be any issue and that he looked forward to seeing me.
When I arrived at the airport, M (that’s what we’ll call him) came to pick me up and we did our usual banter on our journey to his place. Before we get there, he explained that he was living with his girlfriend, C (that’s what we’ll call her). This made me pause because I knew from experience just how CRAZY French girls can be. “hmm… maybe I should just book a hotel” – “No. Don’t worry about it. C is cool, she knows you are coming, I have already explained to her that you are just a friend” – “hmm.. the first sign of madness, I’m out M. You know I am NOT about that life” – “Haha, don’t worry man. I’ve got you”.
C.was.cray. But, luckily for me, I didn’t have anything to hide so her hostility toward me just made me laugh. I’d tell M that we needed to go somewhere and she’d LITERALLY cancel whatever it was she was doing on the day just so she could come with us! Literally ANYTHING she was doing! This included work and school! My response was always “okaaayyy”.
Anyhow, one night M asks C to take me out to wander about a bit. I look at him like he has lost every inch of his damn mind but go along with it nonetheless. C invites some of her girlfriends and in my mind, I’m contemplating how these chicks were planning to jump me once M was out of the scene. On our way to meet her friends, I explain to C that I am not her enemy and that I am just M’s friend. But I understand that she is treating me the way she is because she thinks that maybe something is going on between M and I. She admitted that the thought kept on crossing her mind and that was the reason why she refused to leave us alone with each other. I explained that I knew that that was what she was doing all along and we both giggled. The night was joyful and alcohol fixed us. Thank fuck for alcohol right?
The day comes for me to leave. I’ve already packed up all my shit and I’m chilling in the living space – C is making everyone breakfast. M keeps disappearing and reappearing like a wotless ape. I try not to pay any attention but when I turn to face C, I can see that she is not happy about something. 5 minutes pass and we hear the buzzer to the apartment ring.
Right – before I continue, I just want to explain that M’s apartment happened to be one of those ones where you need a CODE (yes! a motherfucking CODE) to even get anywhere near the buzzer for their physical apartment door!. When people would visit, they’d ring the apartment complex ringer for whoever is in the apartment to buzz them in and then leave the apartment door open for them to get in once they got up to his floor. SOOOOO.. for someone to be BUZZING HIS APARTMENT DOOR, the person behind the door HAD to have had bloody access to the motherfucking CODE! (ya get it??).
My HEART leaps from my body. I immediately sense something is REALLY wrong. I’ve already sat down for brekky and can see C is tensed – that was her usual stance – tensed as fuck – all day, every day! M goes to get the door. We hear the door open and a female voice follows. I can FEEL C’s energy darken. I try my darnedest not to look at her!
M appears with N (that’s what we’re calling the visitor and I’ll be Z in this narrative). “Z, C, this is N. N this is Z and C”. Everyone exchanges pleasantries – cold ones but still, everyone does it. M then says that he needs to buzz N’s hair in the bathroom – N had one of those short hair styles with a fade at the nape area and M was a self-taught barber so it all made perfect sense to me. C is quiet.
Time passes by and M and N have already spent about 1hour in the bathroom. C leans over to me and asks if M had mentioned that N would be coming by that day. After some thought, I decide to tell her the truth that he hadn’t mentioned it but reassure her that its M – he forgets to say shit all the time and that she shouldn’t take it personal, especially if it’s just a client!.
30 more minutes pass..it’s nearly time for me to start heading to the airport. I get up and knock on the bathroom door to go and get M. M opens the door. I explain that we really should be heading out and he tells me that he has finished up already and just needs to clean up the hair. All’s well.
I walk back to the living space and ask C if she would be accompanying us to the airport (seeing as she had been playing the role of my shadow for that entire trip). She stares at me for a while and decides not to come. M comes out of the bathroom with N in tow. We say bye to C and M grabs my bag. In doing so, I notice that M does not go ANYWHERE near C when saying goodbye. In my head, they must have had a little argument in the night or in the morning so I let it slide.
M, N and myself make it to the end of his road when M says that he has forgotten something in the apartment. He darts off and I am left with N. “Z, can I ask you something?” – “Yes sure” – “I sensed some REALLY bad vibes from C in the apartment. Did I do or say something bad?” – I chuckle – “No, thats just M’s girlfriend.. she was the same to me when I arrived. Don’t worry about her” – I smile. N’s face DROPS. I stop smiling. – “What?” – “I said, don’t worry about C. She is just M’s girlfriend. She’s like that with everyone”. – I force another smile. N’s face DROPS even more. “But.. but I’M M’s GIRLFRIEND! And its My FUCKING BIRTHDAY! HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO ME!!!??”
MY.FACE.DROPS. What the actual fuck of life!?! N is M’s GIRLFRIEND? M brought his “GIRLFRIEND” to his apartment that he SHARES with his OTHER GIRLFRIEND?? M gave N the CODE to the apartment that he SHARES with his OTHER GIRLFRIEND?? What kind of next level of player bullshit was this? I knew men were getting cheekier and cheekier but DAMN! M fucked up BIG TIME… eeish, I fucked up big time! < As I am thinking this, I turn and see M running back towards us. I try to signal for him to run the fuck away. Run for his cheating life! He is not getting it and continues to make his way towards us, smiling like a doofus!
“M!!!! C C’EST QUI M HUH HUH HUH???? C C’EST QUI???”. M freezes. N runs at him, punching and pushing him. I just stand there – completely flabbergasted. “ARRET ARRET.. ATTENDS ATTENDS N!”. I am frozen. What was M thinking?? HOW did he think he was going to get away with this?? It’s bad enough to cheat but to cheat and then bring your two girlfriends to the same place?? It was just so BOLD! Too Bold! So Bold that if he pulled it off he’d be an actual legend amongst all of our friends! Dammit man! – Why didn’t he tell me what he was planning? I could have saved him! I know what you’re thinking; solidarity with N and C as a woman? Well yes, sure, but Not there! Not at that time when I had to get to the airport!
10 minutes pass and N is still handing it to M. Enough is enough. Obviously M is not going to get out of this pile of shit he had created! I walk up to them and explain that I need to get to the airport ASAP and if M was not going to come, he needed to let me know so I can make my way there by myself. “Desole N”. N walks away. I look at M and apologise for telling N. He tells me not to worry about it. “They were going to find out one way or another”- “But seriously M, you should have given me the heads up! It’s the girl’s birthday and I’ve completely ruined it for her!” – “Don’t worry Z, let’s get you to the airport”.
When I got back to London, C sent me a WhatsApp message explaining the whole thing. She explained that she had suspicions as M was spending a lot of time away on his phone so when I showed up, she had thought I was the one he had been talking to all that time. She also explained that M told N that she was his cousin and thats why N had the audacity to even come up to their apartment that day – N had no idea that she (C) was dating M too. All I could do was apologise on M’s behalf. He definitely played them both bad!
To this day, I have not understood what possessed M to get his Girlfriends in one room that day! I later found out that there was a third girl!! …I suppose her invite to the festivities was lost in the mail that day!
Anyhow, I hope you guys have enjoyed this post! Please comment to get a conversation going on this topic and follow for regular updates :). Have you ever found yourself in this situation before? If so, what role did you play? M, C, N or me?